Your responses to my Thursday post were all so supportive, and I am grateful that you "get" me. You know that I'm fine, that I was just having a moment. You know how seriously I take the truth that of whom much is given, much is required. The responsibility can be rather weighty. That post has been waiting for a long time to be captured in words. The words were a great relief to me yesterday, even if they were delivered in an envelope of tears.
Honesty is so important to me. Yesterday, it was appreciated by those who read and commented. YES, I do wrestle with finding balance for myself and for my family. You should know that I second guess myself frequently over whether I have it right. But I refuse to be consumed with self-doubt. I also refuse to beat myself up over choices poorly made. If I over-extend myself, I stop making new commitments, and do the best I can to pace myself at fulfilling those I've already made. It pretty much always works out. But what I miss is the joy of the process.
My frustration yesterday was over a large commitment I made where I need to coordinate with quite a few people, and the timeline is short. I was wanting to tie up a lot of loose ends, but the ends were defiantly laughing and waving at me. The awesome thing about this task is that it's a fun one, and there are a lot of volunteers helping who have never done it before. Someone wisely told me today, "That is a great gift you are giving them, the opportunity to do something that will bring such joy!" Let me tell you, yesterday, gift was the farthest word from my mind. I really need to be the one to generate that kind of enthusiasm, and I just wasn't feeling it. Several things have come together since then. I ended up just sort of giving myself the day off since there was nothing I could do, and gave God time to work. Which, of course, he did. He is so trustworthy.
Today my outlook is much improved. Thankfully, so is the weather forecast! I'm so grateful for encouraging friends, and for a sense that this is a safe place to come even on a bad day. I may be Pollyanna, but even I can't win at the "Glad Game" everyday. Obviously. It's not even a competiton.