I just got back from school, where I was scheduled to volunteer in Bethany's class (a slot I fill weekly). There was a schedule conflict that the teacher hadn't realized, so now I am back home. There were treats in the office for volunteer appreciation, so that was good. Two people told me to be sure to stop and get some as soon as I walked in the door. It is nice to be appreciated.
We will be back there tonight anyway, for the school picnic. Which I didn't volunteer for. I momentarily thought that maybe I should go see if they needed any help at the last minute. For the first time ever it's falling on a night when the kids don't have games or practices, so I could actually help. I decided not to.
It has been raining/cold/windy/cloudy in varying combinations for two weeks. I am feeling the pressure of commitments I have made that are not going as well as I would like because of circumstances beyond my control. Today my tears are blending in with the raindrops on the window panes.
I have the kind of problems most people would die for. SERIOUSLY. But tears are tears.
I wonder. Most of the time I wonder if I do enough. I have said no to many, many things. I hate it every time. But today I wonder if I have committed to doing too much. It has been eleven years since I have earned a paycheck. For the stress I am feeling, and the way that I know it limits what I have to offer my family, I wonder if I should at least be contributing to our finances if I can't be giving my energy to them. It gives me courage for the next round of "no"s at least. Which I will hate. Again.
Such is the life of a stay at home mom. My dream life. Oh, it truly is.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. " 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Now it is 9:46, and I wonder which fire I should put out with my little bit of extra time. I think I will tackle the clothes that have been sitting in the dryer overnight. They are wrinkled, but they are not beyond my control.