This is my beautiful Grandma. We got to go visit her on Saturday. She lives three and a half hours away from us, and is no longer well enough to have us overnight, so we don't get up there very often. That fact made this trip all the sweeter.
Because of Grandma's health, we often have difficulty tracking her down. Her siblings live close to her and keep up with her, but if we are unable to find her at home, it is sometimes because she is in the hospital, sometimes in rehab, and sometimes simply unable to get to the phone. So I have become lazy in calling, lazy in sending cards (she can't see anyway). She NEVER complains about that, but I have been wishing for a way to simply honor her. It has reminded me of a time about fourteen years ago that I will never forget.
I was in Central Asia, winding up two years of teaching, and VERY ready to head home. But on my way, I was planning a detour to visit my brother and his family in a rather volatile part of west Africa where they had been living for several years. The way my mom reacted to this news let me know that she felt like I was heading into a black hole, never to return. She had been through so much with her world-traveling children. She just wanted me right back where she could have me safe and sound.
Around this time, I had a group of expat women gathered in my home for a Bible study one afternoon. As we shared prayer requests, I asked them to pray that God would provide me with a way to honor my mom. As if in a single chorus, their resounding response was, "Don't let her make you feel guilty!" And almost as quickly my response to them was, "I don't do guilt, I just want to honor my mom." We had a good conversation about it--it was so clear that many of them had dealt with the sense of having to choose between God's call on their lives and their own parents' wishes, and they were wounded by the seeming impossibility of living a life pleasing to their parents. But here's the cool thing: God answered that prayer just a few minutes after we had prayed. The phone rang, and it was my mom. (It was so expensive to call that we only talked about once a month, so it really seemed like no coincidence that she would call just then.) I took the time to chat with her for a few minutes while the others went on with the Bible study, and told her several things I was looking forward to us doing when I got home. Somehow, that seemed to melt down her defenses, and she also got excited. By the time I got off the phone, I knew I truly had honored her. I didn't change my plans, but God had granted my desire, and blessed my mom in the process.
Back to my Grandma. I confess I have been feeling a little guilty for not being a better granddaughter. I could do better. But when I really think about how to do that, I've been at a loss. So we have been praying for a time to go visit when she is at home and we are all healthy. Saturday was the day. A beautiful day! Grandma had purchased some flowers earlier in the week that she was determined to plant, and she had started in the morning. She didn't get far before she ran out of steam. There was much left to be done when we got there. As luck would have it, Bethany loves to plant flowers! Grandma's sister was there part of the time, and Lee worked on some tall and heavy tasks while we girls worked on the flowers. Grandma's sister was so thankful to have the extra hands, and when she said so, Bethany said, "Well we're just so glad we could help!" And once again I realized that God had given that precious opportunity to honor my Grandma.
The Lord tells us to honor our parents, and it pleases him when we do. But as adults, it is our responsibility to OBEY him, even if his will is in conflict with our parents' will. My prayer is that someone else might be encouraged by the fact that our great God will provide "everything we need for life and godliness, through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness" (2 Peter 1:2-4). I have come to believe that even if it isn't possible to please both God and our elders, he will give us the way to honor them if we truly seek it.
7 comments:
When my parents were nearing the end of their lives in 2004 I quit my job, left my sweet husband at home, and went 8 hours away to stay with them. They lived with my sister, who also quit her job and stayed home with them. We did this for one year - longer than we anticipated when we started but not as long as we would like to have had with them. I've been asked many times why I would do that - but my answer is always how could I not? God is sometimes demanding in His directions for our lives but His demands always turn out to be great blessings for us when we are obedient. blessings, marlene
Oh Tracy, I hear you on this one. I have one grandparent left, my Momma Bernice. She lives in FL near my parents so she has people to see about her. But when I call her on the phone she always ends up crying. It wrenches my heart. She can't hear well so I have to yell into the phone. I seem to avoid calling like I should. I'm glad you and your family got to spend the day with your grandmother. I know it meant so much to her.
That is a great story about honoring parents. It is a delicate balance isn't it. I'm so glad that ended up being a happy memory for you. You are so right. God knew your heart was right and your motives were pure and He relieved your mother's concerns and yours. How awesome.
♥
Joy
My parents divorced when I was 3 or 4 and my dad and his new wife moved all the way to Kentucky when I was around 10. He always kept in touch and I would spend time there in the summers and he provided things I needed when my mom couldn't or when she felt he needed to pitch in.
I held a grudge (that I didn't realize I held) for a long time. At times I felt disconnected from him.
When I became a parent I saw him trying harder to be a "good grandparent" and at times I felt like he was trying to make up for time lost with me through them. At times this angered me as well - I didn't want him trying to make up for time with them, I wanted him to make up the time with me. (Although, deep down inside I knew that was impossible)
Our relationship began to get better and better - because I began to let my guard down - slowly - but I was letting it down.
When he was diagnosed with colon cancer in May of 2007 I felt horrible. I knew for sure I would never ever get that time back. And when we went to see him that summer while he was lying in a bed getting a chemo treatment he told me how sorry he was for "crapping out on me as a dad." It was all I needed to hear. The tears flowed between both of us (which is not something he EVER did) and I knew that healing had arrived - for both of us.
Now to the honoring part: When he had to have another surgery in June of last year I dropped everything and went to him. I spent every day with him(and my stepmom) in ICU for a week and then in a reg. room for a week and then two days in CCU. I left my kids and my husband and I went. I knew that's what God wanted me to do - and I needed to show my kids how important life was. I spent a month of my life 800 miles from home taking care of him and my stepmom. (And a nurse, I am not!)
And a month later when I had to return because his health was failing I did it again. I dropped everything here and went. There was still a part of me that didn't want to - but I felt like I was honoring him to do so. Even though the exact words were never spoken this time, I knew that he knew I forgave him and loved him - no matter what.
And when I spent the last week of his life with him, his final moments on this earth, I knew I was honoring him(my dad) - and I knew I was honoring Him, too.
Thanks for this post. I needed it today (my dad's birthday and 8 months since his passing)- and I needed to write this down, too. You're good, free therapy!
Look at all my sweet readers! It felt a little funny for me to be putting this "out there" for the world, but I have been so blessed by the Lord teaching me this truth. Thanks for sharing your hearts!
This beautiful photo is made even more special by the story behind it. I'll bet Bethany remembers this day for years to come!
I lost my beautiful Grandmother a year ago last October. You cherish every moment you spend with Grandma! Time is just too short.
Love the photo. I think the converse is true too. As my kids grow, I need to let them go. Let them obey God and never force them to follow my desires, expectations, dreams for them. It's tough to let go! I can save them so much heartache, really!
It's encouraging that you were able to honor your mom so simply - communicating honestly how important she was to you - while obeying God.
Post a Comment