Staring down the sky (an exercise in contentment)

Photo 52, Week 15:  Self-Portrait

Me, staring down the sky.

Because I heard they were predicting this.

So my little intimidation technique didn't work.

Now you know I have no pull with the sky.  Whatsoever.

(Nor with my son, who started dressing out of his summer drawer when it hit 50º

and isn't about to turn back because of a few measly inches of snow!)

The cardinal had a few things to say about it.

But you know what?  I remembered a lesson I learned a long, long time ago.  I was living overseas, after a long series of frustrations including some really depressing weather.  I remember clearly one day making a choice to throw myself a pity party.  I deserved it.  Life was hard.  I was misunderstood and living in some pretty challenging conditions, and well, who could blame me for taking a break from wearing my happy face?  Wouldn't people rather have me be honest?  So I did.  I gave in to discontentment.

1 Timothy 6:6 says, "Godliness with contentment is great gain." In my misery of that little chapter of my life I learned the flip side of that statement:  "An appearance of godliness with discontentment is a great loss."  You know, we all have our moments.  I have no problem being honest about that.  But in that season, I had to carry on.  I kept doing my thing, and I don't wear a grumpy face that well, so I'm not really sure that anyone else even noticed.  But my heart was a little hard, and my attitude stunk, and truly, it was a great loss.  Everything is just that much harder when we make that choice.  

I'll tell you who I didn't invite to my pity party.  God.  Why would he come to my pity party?  Why would I want him at my pity party?  If I faced him, I would have to face the truth of my situation, that my problems were trite, and my expectations unfounded.  The sad thing is that I would have found him compassionate and able to produce beautiful things in the midst of my circumstances if I hadn't crossed my arms and looked away in a huff.

Good things were born out of that season.  In fact, such good things that I doubt I would go back and reverse that bad choice if I could.  I learned that contentment is the idea that there are many ways to be happy, if I will just open my eyes to God's gifts to me in that moment.  Discontentment is the idea that I can only be happy if _______.  We are bombarded with that message every day in this consumer driven society of ours:  you couldn't possibly be happy without the latest iGadget, etc.  Endless.  A guarantee that if we buy into it, we will never, ever be happy.  When I experienced the great loss of discontentment I learned to recognize the lie--but more importantly, we've been careful to teach our kids the truth. 

So sky?  I may have shaken my fist at you in contempt,

but I refuse to let you keep me from being content.

I have some cheerful friends to help,
beauty to find if I'll look for it.

Summer is on the way.

There is no guarantee it will be nice.

Still, I am choosing contentment.  I am.

Note:  Interestingly, I have been reading a lot lately, and thinking along the topics of brokenness and depression for a number of reasons.  Talking about choosing contentment is not the same as saying to a broken or depressed person, "Cheer up." That is a different story.  While I am no expert on these topics, I may have to process them here one of these days.  Stay tuned.

Lessons from my garden: Expectations

It happens every year. I forget what plants I had the year before that should be coming back. And then one appears that I hadn't expected, and I get so excited. Once in awhile, it really is an annual turned perennial. (Bethany has a huge dianthus like that in her container.) I love it when that happens! But if you have any experience in gardening, you know what I'm about to say--it's usually a weed. This year I thought a verbena had come back in one of my containers. It's this gorgeous green plant, complete with scalloped edges, just like a verbena. But the other day I was in a greenhouse, and noticed that those scalloped edges on the verbena leaves really didn't look like mine, and they were much smaller and more delicate. And not in threes. Duped again. So the next morning I went out to take one more look and think about getting it out of there, when WHOA! Here were these gorgeous raindrops painted exquisitely on the tips of those scallops--not at all what I had expected! What a wonderful surprise.

Expectations. You know, our whole attitude towards life really boils down to how we manage our expectations. We are big on teaching our kids that, "Godliness with contentment is great gain." (1 Timothy 6:6) But it is sometimes hard to model. We easily fall into "discontentment thinking". "I can only be happy if..." or "I am not happy because..." or "I should have had..."-- that sort of thing. Weeds in our garden of thoughts, if you will. A recipe for a great loss.

When we find ourselves out of sorts, it's pretty easy to sort out by asking, "What was I expecting?" Often we expect people to meet our expectations, and they don't. But was it a reasonable expectation? Did I communicate the expectation? Did the other person "sign up" to meet it ? And sometimes our circumstances fall in place such that some time or money or other resource or anticipated event we expected to have doesn't materialize. Some of our choices are no longer available. And then one choice remains: will we choose contentment, or discontentment?

"I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Philippians 1:20-21

What are you expecting?

P.S. The faux verbena is history. But there is one just like it in Benjamin's container. I'm leaving it right there to see what it becomes. And to see if it collects any more raindrops.

Mom, what are we gonna do for fun today?

I'm going to take you someplace special in my next post. I think it might amaze you, if you're anything like me.

Before I can take you there, I need to give a little background. In my last post, I wrote about a cool place we went, and my friend Betty from Paraguay left this comment: "I'm always amazed at how much there is for children to have fun in your country. They are very fortunate."

I e-mailed her back and said, "You are not kidding! It's a real problem!"

It sounded odd to me to be saying that to her. Maybe even a little ungrateful. But this is the point. Our kids are so bombarded with entertainment that their expectations are outrageous, and they have insatiable appetites for more. They could never comprehend just how fortunate they are. Rather than thanking us, relishing the moment and basking in sweet contentment, they are asking what's next.

My kids. And we are parents who saw this coming early on. Who have been within an hour of Orlando numerous times and spent a grand total of one day at a theme park. Who avoided Chuck E. Cheese at all cost until the first birthday invitation came. Who never told our kids you could put coins in those little merry go rounds at WalMart until some other kid came along and let ours in on their ride. Until then they were perfectly happy just to sit on the little animals. We try so hard not to over-entertain. But the cat is out of the bag. And our kids are at risk of losing the opportunity to be content.

Now in fairness, if you know my kids, you would probably tell me I don't have a lot to worry about. They are sweet, and don't claim to be bored all that often. One would like to be on the go and out "doing fun things" more than the other. They don't expect to be taken frequently to expensive places. Honestly, there are more than enough things to do for free. They're truly good kids. But it seems that the more we do, the more they want.

This would be a sad thing for anyone. But as Christian parents, we have learned firsthand that Christ is our treasure, the fulfillment of our deepest longings. Both of us have reached the end of our ropes and found him there. We want our kids to seek him above all else and find him, HIM in all his glory! But oh, he has a lot of immediate, tangible, yet terribly inferior competition.

I want to know, do you battle oversized expectations in your kids? Have you had any success with keeping it simple and helping them to be more easily satisfied? If so, what's your secret?

I have a courageous friend who has taken drastic measures, in part to try to accomplish this very thing. I will introduce you to her soon!

Thoughts on Santa and faith

This morning our eight year old got out of bed, went to the kitchen and turned on all the lights. Very unusual, since he has an aversion to bright light first thing in the morning. When I got to the kitchen he said, "Santa is sure to find us with all these lights!" A true believer.

By the time he was four, we knew we really needed a plan for how to handle Santa. We're not really into the buildup about gifts and thinking up a list of things we want. (Part of our "contentment thinking" philosophy. More about that here.) But Santa is inevitably, and happily, part of Christmas in America, and what parent really wants to suck the fun out of Christmas? We asked around about people's experience with Santa, and resonated with the friend who said her parents basically didn't give any indication one way or the other.

So I took the kids (then ages 4 and 2) to the store one day, and let each of them pick a roll of wrapping paper. (Hot Wheels and Dora.) They were already telling us that Santa was coming. On Christmas there were presents wrapped in their chosen paper with no tags indicating "to" and "from". The kids immediately identified which ones were theirs and credited Santa (who, by the way, had impeccably good taste in gifts for a guy who hadn't been given any direction!). Ben was more than astute enough to have made the connection between the paper he chose and the gifts he opened.

It's been fascinating to watch this pattern of belief unfold. This year for the first time I'm told there must be cookies left for Santa. "Really? Well, cookies it is then." (Bethany is saving some that she decorated at church a week ago.)

And what does this have to do with faith?

I recently read this quote from C.S. Lewis from an essay describing his use of fantasy to convey spiritual truth. "I thought I saw how stories of this kind could steal past a certain inhibition which had paralyzed much of my own religion in childhood. Why did one find it so hard to feel as one was told one ought to feel about God or about the sufferings of Christ? I thought the chief reason was that one was told one ought to. An obligation to feel can freeze feelings."

I've been doing some online reading these days that has caused me to reflect on whether we're teaching our kids that faith, worship, giving and service are obligations based on how they "ought to feel about God or about the sufferings of Christ". Honestly, we have tried not to do this, but rather to set the example of putting our own love for Christ into action. It's good to check ourselves, because we could run the risk of sucking the joy out of the journey of faith for our kids if we try to determine the course for them.

I'm NOT advocating that we should try to avoid influencing our children's faith foundations. But I am wanting to be intentional about letting God be God in their lives. I want to allow Him the freedom to woo them into relationship, just as He did me. I want them to respond to Him in love and gratitude as He shows them who He is. I want to be sure not to throw obstacles of legalism in their path that would confine them to a religion of duty rather than a love affair with an almighty God and merciful Savior who calls them "my child", and "friend".

There can be no doubt that our kids have chosen Santa for themselves, by following the example of other joyful believers. And so far they have also chosen Jesus. May we encourage them to own their relationships with Him, much more by our joyful following than anything we tell them they must do or think or feel.
(Note: Santa is also a joyful believer who points out the real meaning of Christmas in Santa's Favorite Story by Hisako Aoki. HIGHLY recommended!)

Only an inch away

I've had a bit of an epiphany today.  But first, a conversation.

Bethany:  Mom, I'm 4'11".  Only one inch away.
Me:  One inch away from what?
Bethany: Five feet.
Me:  And then what?
Bethany:  I'll be happy!

I've blogged plenty (and recently) about contentment, but this was just another reminder.  

She then flopped down on my bed and said, "Well, at least I'm longer than the bed is wide."  

She's not an inch away from happy.  

Thank God for that.

I was thinking today about how at this time of year I get all frazzled with the details of life.  

All the graduation cards that should be bought and parties attended, 

deciding on whether this or that calendar item is a high enough priority to miss a kid's ballgame 

(pretty much no on all counts), 

random Vacation Bible School details that I can't begin to keep straight, 

among many others (forgot my checkbook to pay for youth camp today), 

cars, dryers, and assorted other things breaking.  

The list goes on.  And on.

This morning, in a moment of fog over what I must be forgetting, I didn't care.  Just. didn't. care.

That, my friends, was a freeing moment.

You know what I realized?

During most of the year, I am your go-to gal.  

I have time, I am thorough, I give attention to detail.
In the late spring and early summer, 

my calendar doesn't allow me to be that dependable. 

Usually I hate that. 

But not today.

Last Sunday as I was getting ready for worship, 

I very oddly got the idea that I should leave my Wonder Woman cape at home.

It just cracked me up.

Like a voice saying,  "You don't have to be a superhero."

I know, scandalous, right?
I do not worship myself, after all.
My efficiency.  My ability.  My reliability.  My virtue.
It's all a house of cards, subject to the wind.
I worship my God.  He is the Rock.

Today I'm issuing a disclaimer:
This month, if I agree to be a part of something,
it's the June me you're getting, not the February or March me.  
ADD, I'm calling it.  Attention to Detail Disorder.  
Take me or leave me.  

I am not an inch away from happy.
I am embracing June.  I AM happy.

Scatterbrained, and happy.

Good grief, gator...

...our loss is your gain!

Some precious friends of ours are on their way to Florida. They say they're staying there. They packed some big pieces of our hearts into that moving van. To add irony to injury, when they were cleaning out their stuff they gave us a gator costume! Thanks a lot. Well, it is cute, and Bethany is happy with it.

Sometimes the journey has more to do with someone else's journey, and that's hard. But our sovereign God doesn't make it right for them without also making it right for us. We don't have to like it, but, once again, contentment is ours to choose.

So who out there lives relatively closeby and likes to play dominoes?

Howdy, pilgrim!

What an amazing day I had yesterday with so many new people from SITS along for The Journey. There were roughly 150 people who left about 275 new comments on my blog. Whoa! Boy, do I have the destinations lined up for the next several days--I can't wait to repay all the visits!

So now that the dust is settling, here are a few observations:

1. You are all on some amazing journeys, and I LOVED the variety of responses to my question about where you've been and where you're going (or dreaming of going). Journeys to...

marriage

parenthood

the empty nest

mountaintops

tropical paradises

faraway countries

contentment

self discovery

aging gracefully

They are all inspiring, and I can't wait to stop in and join you!

2. I'm so glad I'm not the only "thrifty" girl in the bunch. But I need to issue a disclaimer. We do not get a newspaper, so the only coupons I use are the ones in the mail or on the products, plus a few online. My time is too valuable and I can't stand clutter, especially paper clutter. So I'm sure a lot of you have saved WAY more than me that way. We hold to the theory that your things own you, so we just try to avoid purchases that will take up too much of our time or space, and wait for good deals on things we do choose to buy. I think the best advice with money is to not be in a hurry to spend it.

3. For all you Mac users, the link about what to do if your Mac Book's battery won't hold a charge is HERE.

4. I'm also glad to know I'm not the only one with kids who turn into creative geniuses when it's time to clean. AND that they're not the only ones who get it from their mom. But what I want to know is, do they have any hope at all of becoming tidy adults? Anyone?

5. My sister and brother are twins (TOTAL opposites), which is probably part of the reason why Ben understood that opposite gender twins can't be identical. But I just want to say that I was thrilled to have someone actually admit that they snorted over his comment, because I sure did!

6. I just started a brand new Beth Moore Bible study for the fall called "Stepping Up: A journey through the Psalms of Ascent". (Can I get an AMEN for Beth Moore?) It seems so fitting to me that the theme is about being on a pilgrimage--not just a journey forward, but a journey upward.  The very first verse is 1 Peter 5:6, which says, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time." A great challenge to those of us who are prone to try to pull ourselves up rather than admitting our dire need for help. Verse 7 says, "Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you." Good stuff!  

Thanks again for traveling this road with me.  May yours find you heading forward AND upward today.