This morning our eight year old got out of bed, went to the kitchen and turned on all the lights. Very unusual, since he has an aversion to bright light first thing in the morning. When I got to the kitchen he said, "Santa is sure to find us with all these lights!" A true believer.By the time he was four, we knew we really needed a plan for how to handle Santa. We're not really into the buildup about gifts and thinking up a list of things we want. (Part of our "contentment thinking" philosophy. More about that here.) But Santa is inevitably, and happily, part of Christmas in America, and what parent really wants to suck the fun out of Christmas? We asked around about people's experience with Santa, and resonated with the friend who said her parents basically didn't give any indication one way or the other.
So I took the kids (then ages 4 and 2) to the store one day, and let each of them pick a roll of wrapping paper. (Hot Wheels and Dora.) They were already telling us that Santa was coming. On Christmas there were presents wrapped in their chosen paper with no tags indicating "to" and "from". The kids immediately identified which ones were theirs and credited Santa (who, by the way, had impeccably good taste in gifts for a guy who hadn't been given any direction!). Ben was more than astute enough to have made the connection between the paper he chose and the gifts he opened.
It's been fascinating to watch this pattern of belief unfold. This year for the first time I'm told there must be cookies left for Santa. "Really? Well, cookies it is then." (Bethany is saving some that she decorated at church a week ago.)
And what does this have to do with faith?
I recently read this quote from C.S. Lewis from an essay describing his use of fantasy to convey spiritual truth. "I thought I saw how stories of this kind could steal past a certain inhibition which had paralyzed much of my own religion in childhood. Why did one find it so hard to feel as one was told one ought to feel about God or about the sufferings of Christ? I thought the chief reason was that one was told one ought to. An obligation to feel can freeze feelings."
I've been doing some online reading these days that has caused me to reflect on whether we're teaching our kids that faith, worship, giving and service are obligations based on how they "ought to feel about God or about the sufferings of Christ". Honestly, we have tried not to do this, but rather to set the example of putting our own love for Christ into action. It's good to check ourselves, because we could run the risk of sucking the joy out of the journey of faith for our kids if we try to determine the course for them.
I'm NOT advocating that we should try to avoid influencing our children's faith foundations. But I am wanting to be intentional about letting God be God in their lives. I want to allow Him the freedom to woo them into relationship, just as He did me. I want them to respond to Him in love and gratitude as He shows them who He is. I want to be sure not to throw obstacles of legalism in their path that would confine them to a religion of duty rather than a love affair with an almighty God and merciful Savior who calls them "my child", and "friend".
There can be no doubt that our kids have chosen Santa for themselves, by following the example of other joyful believers. And so far they have also chosen Jesus. May we encourage them to own their relationships with Him, much more by our joyful following than anything we tell them they must do or think or feel.
(Note: Santa is also a joyful believer who points out the real meaning of Christmas in Santa's Favorite Story by Hisako Aoki. HIGHLY recommended!)
5 comments:
How'd ya get so wise?? Your journal is so rich and insightful. I can't wait to keep reading! For a Mom who was pondering what we were going to do about Santa, your choice is a lovely example of how Santa and Jesus can happily co-exist. I love your thoughts on letting your children develop their own faith, guided by a strong example. We too bought Santa's Favorite Story this year. Ben's too young, but eventually it'll be a good one for him.
Well you're awfully sweet! I could post a lot more often with more visits like this. :-)
Older and wiser...they are often referenced together for a reason. Aging happens, but any wisdom acquired is a true gift, more easily received if we only keep our eyes and ears open for it.
Bethany's teacher read Santa's Favorite Story at school this year. I was so excited!
The new "trend" in theological practice is that the Christian message is intended to be subversive and subtle, with the hopes of inviting another into a life-shifting encounter with God. This is a far cry from "sealing the deal" evangelism prevalent in many churches.
I'm against hard indoctrination, but something about Deuteronomy 6:4-9 tells me that subtle subversion isn't the whole story, especially for children.
Here's to finding thoughts about faith and subversion that both preserve the journey, and teach rightly!
Here here!! Ben, I'm so glad to get your input on this post, and interested to hear of this new trend. It's no secret to you that I have to resist my natural mom tendancy to teach them everything I know pertaining to faith in God TODAY. Since you're the theologian and I'm the elementarty school teacher, maybe we should do shared research on this topic and co-author a book. :-) But seriously, do you know of anyone who has done this type of work? I've read some guides to spiritual development in children, but they cater more to my natural tendancies than I would like. I'd like to read something from a more balanced perspective, and better schooled than Santa.
I've not read anything about spiritual formation in children. At least, not that I remember. Like you, most of the stuff I have read is developmental. The problem with this line of questioning is that psychology is typically an empirical science. Doing empirical research on spiritual formation in children would be immensely difficult for a variety of reasons.
One thing that is well know, however, is that by the time of adolescence, one's personal image of God is formed via their understanding of their parents actions. So, for instance, a father who is not affectionate, demands conformity, and punishes harshly tend to produce offspring who believe God is that way as well. Depending on the personality of the kid, that leads to self esteem problems (e.g., I'll never been good enough for God to love me), rebellion problems (e.g., God will never love me anyway, so why should I even try?), and others. Conversely, parents who never give strong consequences for their actions tend to produce offspring who believe God is like Barney.
One of the most interesting articles I've read recently is about object relation frameworks in relation to faith. I'll see if I can get you a copy.
A point of clarification on the "trend" in theological practice. This trend exists in non-calvinistic theology. The SBC is in a well-established Calvinist resurgence right now, the participants of which don't typically see subtlety as positive attribute.
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