God's Kindness: A week of thankfulness (Part 3)

(Part two here)

"He has shown kindness by giving you rain from heaven and crops in their seasons; he provides you with plenty of food and fills your hearts with joy." Acts 14:17

Once I discovered that God could give me more courage than I ever imagined having, things started to get better fast. I was a late bloomer, but a little confidence went a long way. I found real friendships, and quit worrying about who I wasn't friends with, and what they thought about me. (Now isn't that a gift you wish you could give your daughter!) My later high school and college years were, simply put, a feast. This was true both in terms of friendships, and of spiritual growth.

Then came graduation. I took a job at a small private school in the town where my boyfriend lived. I made barely enough money to get by, but I was excited to get a new start on my adult life. The real blessing was that I got involved at the church where my boyfriend was the youth leader. I could not imagine the extent to which I would come to rely on my church family.

I lived in that town for two years. Early on my boyfriend broke up with me, and soon after that, moved away. I would jokingly say that he took off and left me with the kids, since I then took over as the youth leader. (That was actually the best part--they were amazing.) In those two years, I lived in five different places--and not because I thrived on change. I had a car that about sucked the life out of me for all of the times it broke down, placed me in harm's way, and cost my last penny to fix. I wrecked my knee when I took the youth group skiing, and ended up having major knee surgery. In the middle of winter. Let me just say for the record that crutches and ice were not made for each other.

In the end, my car died, and for several weeks I ended up depending on my roommate and my friends from church to get me to and from work, and to physical therapy for my knee. Very painful therapy, which in the end was never successful in restoring my range of motion. So I ended up in surgery again, to break up the scar tissue caused by the first surgery and subsequent six weeks in a cast. Did I mention that I was totally dependent on others to get me everywhere I needed to go during these weeks that turned into probably a few months? I hated that.

God knew what I might not have wanted to know at the time. He was teaching me to be fearless. Not that it worked 100%, mind you, but it occurred to me later that, during those two years of barely scraping by, pretty much everything I feared happened. Plus some things that I never thought of fearing. My relationship ended. I ran out of money. I ate food from the food shelf. I lost my source of transportation. I had surgery. Twice. I had to ask for help. LOTS of help. But oh, the Lord came through! Not only did I learn to trust Him, but I also learned why He loves a cheerful giver. It was no fun to be on the receiving end, but it was truly amazing to me the way that my church family reached out in love and kindness to me, OFFERING help so that I wouldn't have to ask.

God knew that I needed to be fearless. Just a few months later I headed to the Philippines for two years, not knowing anyone. They were years of tremendous unrest in that country, but they were years filled with peace in my own life.

I think often about the two years that God spent proving to me that when my fears come to fruition, He is faithful. I never would have asked for a season like that, but I am thankful that rather than always giving us what we ask for, He gives us what He knows we need.

(Part four here)