Forties Top 40, #7

 #7:  Thoughts provoked.

If you would have told me ten years ago, with babies in tow, having just ended my fifteen year career, that the decade ahead would perhaps be the most intellectually stimulating yet, I might have laughed at you.  Openly.

Because really, what were the chances of that?  I was right there with my little ones waiting for Blue's next clue, hoping I could beat Steve (and later Joe) to the punch of what Blue wanted to do.

Little did I know my forties would be a decade filled with opportunity to study the Bible with other believers, and to be challenged to dig diligently into scripture to deepen and refine my faith. Several years back I wrote a post describing this process this way:  "There is this theological side of me that is under construction right now.  I am very serious about this transformation, and for the first time in many years I have the time to take stock of how it is going.  Are my beliefs well-informed, and have they grown up with me?"  It seems more important than ever now, because in just a few years we will launch our children into a world that will demand that their beliefs and their knowledge mesh with one another in an intellectually honest faith.  I want to make sure I model a faith that stands under scrutiny.

There are many authors and teachers I have enjoyed over these years, including some excellent teachers in my local church.  Getting involved in groups where I have had to come prepared week after week has helped immensely, and is further rewarded by the opportunity to learn from those beside me.  I am especially indebted to Beth Moore, whose studies have left me breathless many times as she illuminates the connections between Old and New Testaments and the covenant relationship they represent between God and his people.  Sometimes you just don't realize how hungry you are until you sit down at a feast. I am deeply grateful for the sense of having been satisfied, and also the sense that God has much, much more in store for the years ahead.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will."  Romans 12:2

Mid-Blog Crisis

WARNING!: This post is a mind-dump. Nothing more. Save it until you need an antidote for your insomnia.

Having said that, you have my condolences for the fact that you are still here. I will try my best to disappoint you if you were counting on something really super boring. Have a pillow ready, just in case.

Somebody recently asked, why do you blog? That is the question of the week for me. The initial purpose of my blog (here) was, and really still is, to serve as a journal of sorts. I journaled for years before I got married, and although it was then in the form of conversations with God, it really helped me process my life, and my "becoming" for lack of a better word. I think the Bible probably calls it "...being transformed by the renewing of your mind..." (Romans 12:2) So I suppose I could say I used it to chronicle my transformation. Yeah, that's it. And I guess that's where this one started.

But at this moment, I am going through a little identity crisis and wondering, who is my audience?

I have been reading a lot of mom blogs, which make me laugh hysterically, and remind me how not alone I have been in my parenting endeavors. Now these women get the visitors, I tell you! I am certainly a mom, but this is not a mom blog. I think if I tried, I could make it one. A funny one at that. But alas, the Scrapbook blog is the space for showing off the kids, and that is really for the out of town family and anyone else who wants to check in on them, specifically. It is not so much about me. The Journey has some aspects of my parenting story in plenty of places, but not often enough to keep the moms coming back, except the really really sweet ones who have noticed I don't get too many comments and taken pity on me. Should I throw them a few more bones to keep them coming back?

And then there is the theological side of me that is sort of under construction right now. I am very serious about this transformation thing, and for the first time in many years I have the time to take stock of how it is going. Are my beliefs well-informed, and have they grown up with me? I've so enjoyed revisiting some of them recently, but by the grace of God I have more questions than answers at the moment (definitely a good thing in my book!), and not that much to write about. So I'm a little afraid my really good thinkers are going to fall to the wayside while I pause to reflect. And some of them have quit writing, too, so I can no longer engage them in dialogue on their own turf! (But I'm not bitter.)

And then there is the nostalgic side of me that has been reliving the family history lately, and just reveling in the joy of being a family, and seriously, that could only be for the kids. For later.

I keep wishing my blog could narrow in on an audience. There are a lot of people out here in the blogosphere, and many have touched me. I would like to touch them back. Who could I touch? The moms? The thinkers? The sentimental types? I guess I believe there are others who are being transformed who will pick something up along the way from any of those.

It is, after all, a journey, and there are so many different kinds of stops. Sightseeing stops to look closely at the things that take our breath away, or teach us something we never knew. Recreational stops for something fun and entertaining. Stops to check the map to see if and where we got off course, or whether we are still headed in the right direction. Stops to refresh and refuel.

I like the people part of blogging, I really do. But the question was not, "For whom do you blog?", it was "Why do you blog?" And it's really to help me in my becoming.

You know what makes me really grateful? I have some precious friends on this journey, who are kind enough to tell me (mainly in person) that they read, and laugh, and learn from my blog, random though it is, and yes, even enjoy my mushy love story. So to you who fall into this category, thanks bunches for mentioning it to me now and then. I would probably blog without you. But I love knowing that you are along for the ride.

So Lord, thank you for my journey in its many facets, and for every companion who is along for the duration and those who just stop in for one leg of it. Send anyone this way who could get a blessing here. May all who come here know that YOU are great, and that you provide amazing transformation in the lives of all who draw near to you!

Now grab a coffee or a Mountain Dew, and get on with your day!